Pascha V

The Fifth Sunday of Easter

Acts 26:1-7; Psalm 33; 1 Peter 2:4-9; John 14:1-12

“Do not let your hearts be troubled”.

Despite what Jesus says, my heart is troubled, and I suspect yours might be too. What troubles your heart today? What does that feel like?

We all experience it in our own ways but do these feelings resonate with you: isolated, paralyzed, overwhelmed, powerless, off balance, out of control, disconnected, afraid, thoughts spinning in your head, grief, anger. Do you recognize any of these in your present life?

“Do not let your hearts be troubled”. Jesus recognizes that our hearts are troubled. He is not warning us about a future condition. He speaks about the present. He can see it in our faces and listless spirits, hear it in our voices, observe it in our gait and hunched shoulders.  Jesus recognizes in us what he has experienced within himself. “When Jesus saw Mary and the Jews with her weeping over the death of her brother Lazarus, Jesus was troubled in spirit and wept”.

It is the night of Passover. There is an ominous atmosphere in the room as the light of oil lamps cast shadows across the walls. Feet have been washed. Judas has left the table and stepped into a night of betrayal. Jesus has announced he is leaving: “I will be with you only a little while longer. Where I go you cannot come now but you know the way”. It is all so vague. What does he mean?

Thomas is lost and asks, “We do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Philip has lost his centre and cannot see what is right in front of him. “Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied,” he says. The sadness in Jesus’ reply is palpable, “I have been with you for so long a time and you still do not know me, Philip? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’’’?” All around the table, hearts are troubled.

In the midst of a troubled heart we must all face the unspoken question: will the centre hold or is everything collapsing around us? Thomas and Philip are feeling the collapse. Does Jesus?

I recalled how recently we had to twice close off the front of the Cathedral because stonework was falling off the façade. I walk into Saint Francis of Assisi and stonework had fallen within the church. A reality and a metaphor for our present situation? I am deeply troubled by the physical, emotional and psychic condition of a number of our priests who are on the verge of collapsing, feeling unsupported, becoming cynical. Everything is collapsing around us. The church, from buildings to people, the financial and healthcare systems, human respect and dignity, civility…

Will the centre hold?

“Do not let your hearts be troubled”. This passage, often proclaimed at funerals, speaks to the very circumstances of today. How do we begin to make sense of today’s gospel in a world that seems to be collapsing around us?

What if not letting our hearts be troubled begins with seeing and naming what troubles us?

That means brutally and honestly facing ourselves. That may be the most difficult thing Jesus asks of us because how many of us, like Philip, really don’t want to see what is right in front of us, or like Thomas, don’t want to name what troubles us? Is it too difficult, too painful, or are we afraid that if we will see and name this self evalutio0n will result in us having to make changes in ourselves, in how we do things, in letting go of what we think is essential?

I think of the GPS on our phones. Sometimes it gets off track and you have to push re-enter for it to recalculate the directions. If our hearts are troubled, then is it time to re-centre? Re-centring does not mean our hearts won’t be troubled. It doesn’t necessarily fix the issues that concern us. It means that our lives are tethered to something greater than ourselves. It means that our hearts are held secure by God and we are not free falling into the abyss.

Jesus puts it simply, “You have faith in God; have faith also in me”.

Jesus is reminding us that there is a centre and it is not us. It is not the church, her creeds or her teachings. We do not have to be the centre, in fact, we cannot. Instead, we awaken to the center. “You have faith in God”. Jesus acknowledges our trust in God and encourages us to go deeper, “have faith also in me”. We already know that way and the place of this centre. The Father is not outside of us or distant from us. The Father’s house is within. Wherever you go, whatever you face, regardless of what troubles us, there is the centre – God within.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled”. What if in the midst of troubles, our hearts could maintain a normal rhythm and beat with God’s life?

_{Edited and reworked from Christ Church, Epsom Common, Surrey, Rosemary Donovan, 10 May 2020}